What's A Boy To Do? With No Man In His Heart



What's A Boy To Do, With No Man In His Heart? 

One of my favorite authors and the man who inspired me to be a Christian Counselor (and become a Christian) John Eldredge (who wrote "Wild at Heart"), has done a lot of work with men who never knew their fathers as boys, or whose fathers were unable or unwilling to initiate them into manhood. Either their fathers were physically absent or simply emotionally absent. In either case, the boys simply were never initiated into manhood by a secure attachment to another male figure. This often results in men unable to pursue and share in intimate relationships with their wives or any person for that matter. The lack of attachment to, and the lack of initiation into manhood by, a strong and good male figure opens the door for seeking false attachment and confidence through pornography or cheap sexual encounters in place of real intimacy a spouse, or even to homosexual relationships in order to find that attachment to a male figure. This need for attachment to a male often leads to gang membership and youth seek a strong male presence that they never had previously. Other times the boy simply shuts down, too afraid to try to be the man that the world demands. He is asked to drive the race car of masculinity without any lessons by a professional driver, so instead of crashing he just sits in park. I chose to sit in park myself, and would have sat there forever if not for my Sensei and others who intervened.

Others try to drive the racecar to prove they can, and destroy themselves, their passengers (wife and children)m and anyone else in thier path. They need intervention as well.
Having worked at the Boys and Girls Club in a very violent part of the city I last lived in, as well as Big Brothers Big Sisters in Nashville, and having a father who was a drug-dealer, I have seen first hand the consequences of young men not securely attaching to a father figure in the home. In this generation nearly half of young boys will not know a father figure and I truly fear for society for the adults they will become unless someone intervenes. In the Book of Isaiah (Chapters 56 and 58), G-d promises a special blessing on all who watch over the fatherless. I hope some take that to heart and remember that we are held accountable for both our actions and lack of actions.

One of my favorite songs is “What's a Boy to Do?” by Matt Kearney. He makes the point that if boys don’t securely attach to a responsible and loving male, they will attach to someone eventually, if that person is honorable or not.

"What's A Boy To Do" by Matt Kearney
Watch and Listen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruOFEvqazGo

I'm sure that I'm moving to St Louis
Three long years wondering here in New York City
I guess I'm looking for the right way to do this
I guess I'm looking for the right things to call pretty
Young boys playing in the park turning their backs to take a shot
You know I'll stay sharp around here 'cause they're stoning and leaving type
It's the kind of love that comes and goes when there's company coming around

What's a boy to do who knows no man now?
What's a boy to do who knows no man now?

Daddy's been looking down his nose at all of them
And I've been looking round for someone to tell me who I am
He kept saying I was to young to finish a fight
I'd die each time they came I never got to draw my knife
Well it was just a pair of shoes in a middle school room with the world watching in
And angel is crying I'm dying just a little inside as they ran away
Funny which words stick around 20 years down when you're driving alone

What's a boy to do when there's no man at home?
What's a boy to do when there's no man at home?

Well I'll stack all my books in perfect rows
From the biggest down to the smallest ones
And I buy all the perfect clothes
Bullet proof and black, where I look like a son

Well it was just a rain night at his house
A bottle spinning around the room
And everybody's singing and slipping down the bottom halfway rush of blood
And I was grabbing Missy but I was trying to find the light switch in the dark

What's a boy to do with no man in his heart?
What's a boy to do with no man in his heart?

It's all quiet for the first time
With no voices left to fall
I saw a boy at the bottom of the bridge
His car was left there on the top
It's four o'clock in the morning
Didn't need to be like this
There's a white sheet left to cover up
What should have been a holy kiss
It's not like those days
It's not like I'm scared of you

What's the son of man and a boy to do?
What's the son of man and a boy to you?


A Support Group for Dad's in Custody Battles
http://www.dadscustodysupportgroup.com/

Matthew Ung's Group
"Men, Wild at Heart" on Facebook. To strengthen you.
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2264204420

Big Brothers Big Sisters-Be a Mentor
http://www.bbbs.org/site/c.9iILI3NGKhK6F/b.5962335/k.BE16/Home.htm

More life lessons at http://hisloveisinhislaw.com/

Isaiah 58
Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the house of Jacob their sins.

2 For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.

3 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
'and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?'
"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.

4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.

5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness [a] will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

13 "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

14 then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the LORD has spoken


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